Transforming Anger
Quite some time I posted this on my Facebook page.... I'm not sure if anyone got it.
This concept occurred to me at work one day. It had been a hard week, and to put it bluntly - I was feeling a bit 'peeved' about a few things. These issues had been going around and around in my mind for a few days. One morning - I realised that the anger was beginning to consume me. I was feeling tense, I wasn't enjoying my food. And I sat, with this anger, it dawned on me. In order to stop being angry - I had to do something to change my circumstances. That in itself was obvious, but I also realised that if I never got angry about things - I would be much less likely to make significant changes in my life.
In this case I realised that boundaries were being crossed, I wasn't happy with the status quo and I needed to change things. It may not have been a big change, it may have been an internal change. But something needed to be different.
I wrote this little meme up on the work white-board. Someone saw it, commented on it. Wondered whether I had gone mad.
I mostly had forgotten about it until recently, when I again was suffering from a bout of 'pissed-offed-ness' - which is when I remembered what I wrote all those years ago - and placed it on my Facebook page.
And then - a few days ago, as if reinforcing this belief I had come to, I read in Dan Millman's 'The Way of the Peaceful Warrior':
"Anger is one of your main tools to transform old habits... and replace them with new ones"
And further:
"Fear and sorrow inhibit action, you see; anger generates it. When you learn to make proper use of your anger, you can transmute fear and sorrow to anger, and anger, to action. That's your body's secret of internal alchemy"
I had a little 'ah-ha' moment. I've known that anger serves a purpose, but most times anger is overwhelming and misdirected. (Who hasn't been there?!) I reflected on the times in my life that I remember getting angry - deeply angry - and more often than not - it has been related to fear, grief and sorrow. The anger was a manifestation of these emotions into something that transpired to be very motivating for change.
I have known and understood anger to be part of the grief process - but not really considered how it could be helpful. It's an unpleasant out of control feeling, it frightens me and yet it is so incredibly hard to 'get rid of' and displace.
But - you can change the energy of it - use it to your advantage - to get you out of a rut.
You might get angry enough to start walking/running/exercising. You might get angry enough to make that phone call, angry enough to book to see a therapist/counsellor/life coach. Angry enough to draft a letter (please don't send it in this state!!!!), angry enough to make a change, to be made heard, to take a stance, to say 'no more' or to say 'not good enough' or to say 'I want more', 'I deserve more'.
You might get angry enough to make the change that needs to be made to heal the sorrow, pain, grief, hurt. And to change the status quo.
Next time you feel overwhelmed with anger - try to remember - it's a catalyst emotion to generate change.
This is why Anger really is the Mother of All Motivators.
Love and light everyone
With a smile,
Helen x
(NB: Please don't act on your anger in a way that will be hurtful to you or anyone else, being it in words or actions (or even withdrawing love). Express your anger if you need to, by writing, going for a very long walk / run, ripping up paper, screaming at the top of your lungs while driving or having a very good long cry. And go and talk to someone who will listen and/or will be able to help).